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ItalianoSubmissive by Choice
| This paper is a deep dive into my personal experience with the desire to submit within the context of BDSM. It began with a simple question from a friend: "Why do you want me to dominate you?" But this question opened up a much larger exploration of why I crave domination at all. This paper isn’t about reaching any grand conclusions—it's about exploring my own thoughts and feelings for my own satisfaction. Introduction The question that sparked this entire exploration was one posed by a friend: "Why do you even want me to dominate you?" On the surface, it seems like a straightforward question—why choose them? But it quickly led me to ask a much deeper question: Why do I want to be dominated at all? In a world that prizes independence and self-sufficiency, the idea of willingly submitting to someone else seems counterintuitive. Yet, it's something I crave deeply. This paper is my attempt to unpack that craving, to understand why submission feels so right for me, and why I find such comfort in it. The purpose of this paper is purely for self-serving exploration. It has no grand goal beyond me finding it fun to write and explore topics like this. It does not try to force my beliefs or any form of agenda. It’s not trying to be a scientific study or objective portrayal of BDSM. It’s simply my own feelings, thoughts, and ideas structured and displayed. The topic emerged from a question posed by a friend of mine: "Why do you even want me to dominate you?" This question could be interpreted as: "Why have you chosen to submit to me and why do you want me to be your superior?" While I will address this, I find that a more intriguing question to explore is: Why do I want to be dominated at all? Being a sub seems counterintuitive to human nature, yet I sometimes crave it with every fiber of my being Why my friend? Let’s first address the original question: Why choose them? The answer seems obvious at first glance—because I like them, right? But there is more than that. I feel safe with them. I was comfortable enough to give in and expose myself. As a sub, I have a deep-seated need and desire to serve, beg, and worship someone. I want to have someone to call my superior, yet I don’t have a relationship with a dom right now. I simply want someone to sub for, someone to play with. My friend provides a safe space to act out these desires without the risk of making someone uncomfortable, as they are in on the concept. It's similar to calling a straight guy friend "hot" without the risk of him thinking I’m interested in him. I can be nice to my male friends without any questions asked, whereas doing so with a girl might come off as flirting. Thus, I choose my friend because it allows me to express my sub-tendencies without complicating things. Before jumping to the main topic I just want to acknowledge that I am a switch and have dominated before. But since I am more naturally submissive I tend to be a service dom and mostly just use my skills as a dom to pleasure and serve my partner. Even when in charge I tend to their needs and put them first. And I am mostly very submissive in life. But why I'm a Sub? Now, to the more interesting question: Why do I want to be domed? There are two aspects to consider: why I like being a sub and why I like being dominated. To some, this may sound like the same thing. You can’t be a sub without a Dom, right? But I would argue that even if they play off each other and have a clear connection, there is a big distinction between them. You can in fact be submissive in a relationship or in life without someone dominating you. That can take form in many ways but I’m going to talk about how it works for me. My top love language is words of affirmation. I genuinely love to compliment people I care about. I love worshiping them with words. And I love to write. This leads to my doms getting PDF after PDF with worships. One time I even wrote it down on paper and posted it to a Dom. My other main love language is acts of service. I want to do stuff for people. I want to fetch stuff I want to go the extra mile and I want people to tell me to do stuff for them. Especially if there is a head pat and being called “Good boy” at the end. But even when no reward is given. And even when you can’t send them PDFs with your admiration, I still manage to act as the submissive person I am in life. Because serving and pleasing someone I admire and find superior is fulfilling for me. I’ve often been a sub without the other person even knowing it, especially when I develop a crush. I become a "simp," doing whatever the person asks and trying to be around them as much as possible. This often leads to a dynamic where I’m just a caring, loyal friend, who also follows them everywhere they want and is more or less a dog. My submission often takes the form of servitude, worship, and obedience. I’m a hype man and a yes man in my everyday life as well. But when I submit myself to someone it’s on the next level. I follow them around like a dog. We eat what they want to eat. We do what they want to do. I give them constant affection and support. Overflowing them with compliments and gestures. At work, this means fetching my colleague coffee, water, and fruits. But also giving them compliments, eating lunch when they eat, and taking lots of interest in them. However, being dominated is different. You don't need to be dominated to worship someone. But you need to be dominated to give up control. That let’s you be in someone else care and put the responsibility on them. It feels good to have rules and routines. The structure and rules provided by a dom offer a sense of comfort, reducing the need to think too much and creating a more fulfilling experience. Why do people choose to be dominated? Does it not contradict the human spirit and the struggle for freedom? To answer this, we must first address some stigmas and misunderstandings. Contrary to popular belief, a "Fifty Shades of Grey" relationship is neither typical nor healthy in the sub/dom dynamic. BDSM is not about the sub giving up all their rights to the dom. In fact, in a healthy relationship, the sub often holds the power, with the right to stop at any point. The beauty of BDSM lies in the balance of power—the dom pushes limits, but the sub ultimately controls the boundaries. This dynamic allows the sub to relinquish control, which can be comforting and stress-relieving. By giving up power, the sub is freed from responsibility and can simply enjoy the experience. But even in the perfect BDSM relationship is not wanting to be a slave against human nature? Have we not fought for the right to be free? For every human to be their own? Well, it is true that we as a species have fought for hundreds of years for the right to be our own masters. But is that not mostly because the master of old was quite bad? Not to be too political but the idea of the great leader or the good dictator has always spoken to me. The problem with putting your life in someone else's hands by force is that they usually don’t treat you very well. But if they did, that could be pretty great. We have this idea in Western culture that submissive means bad. You are supposed to be a strong independent person. You are supposed to be an individual who strives to serve your own needs and be your own leader. But why? There is nothing inherently wrong with submitting. Cats and dogs have it pretty good. Sure most animals might have a rough time. But once again it mostly depends on the Master. And maybe just maybe not everyone is born to be a leader. Maybe some of us are better as followers and servants. I’m not saying that natural selection dictates that the strong should rule and the weak should serve. Just that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be a CEO or the project lead. Some people like and are good at being in the lead and taking charge. And some are good at following orders. That said being a servant or just being a non-leading part of a team does not mean turning your brain off and just obeying. It means doing the best you can to fulfill someone else's goals and needs. I’m a system developer at a consulting company. Our job is not to build the thing the client says they want but the thing the client really wants or needs. It’s the same when being a submissive. It’s not about mindlessness and obedience all the time. It’s about putting someone else first. Maybe the terminology is the problem. Being a slave just sounds bad. A slave has no free will. Not because they chose to submit but because they were forced to. But being someone's sub is a choice. It’s the choice to give yourself up. To put someone else's needs first. And to find pleasure and meaning in serving someone else. Just for a second image a life where you don’t have to try and find your own meaning and goal. You don’t have to make hard choices and you don’t have to always try and find your own happiness. Life would not be about you. It would be about serving someone greater than yourself. It almost sounds religious and in many ways it is. It’s a life where you can give yourself up and fully surrender to something you know is worth doing. There’s also an existential element to this. As a friend once put it: "A dom is only a dom because they dominate this reality that they have no choice to be in. A sub realizes that they have no choice and accepts it, making it their part to give in to everything." This resonates with me deeply. If I can't control reality, I might as well surrender entirely and accept the reality that I’m shaped by my needs and societal expectations. But I’d rather be a slave to someone I choose. In the end, my desire to submit and be dominated isn't just about external influences or societal pressures—it's a complex mix of personal needs, psychological comfort, and the search for structure in a chaotic world. For me, submission is more than just a kink; it's a way to find peace and fulfillment in a world that often feels overwhelming and confusing. BDSM offers me a safe space where I can surrender control and find comfort in someone else taking the lead. This exploration has been a way for me to understand myself and my desires better, and while I don't have all the answers, I've gained a deeper appreciation for why submission feels so right for me. |
A Personal Exploration of Submission
Added 4 oct 19:15 Debate articles regarding sexuality and identity #Submissive #Self experienced
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